i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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