and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
