do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
How's work?
Spinning.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
