Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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