i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I think my moral compass just broke
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
