just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
