I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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