He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
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