He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
She's like a pop up book from hell.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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