If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
