in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
