we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
