sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize