Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
