well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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