I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize