The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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