If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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