There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
