I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
