She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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