He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
