Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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