when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Randomize
