she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It's never too late to be topless.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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