Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
