Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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