Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
