I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
