I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
