i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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