guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
