I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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