She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i drank out of a bidet.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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