i need an iv and a liver transplant
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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