y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize