both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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