Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize