This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
