you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
