do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
