he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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