chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
