Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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