it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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