Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
