Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
