I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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