It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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