I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
