You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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