...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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