At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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