people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize