community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Randomize
