okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
