I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
