Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
