you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
