you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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