Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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