singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize