trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
And the cops told us we were all naked.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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