did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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