...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
