new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
