it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
