$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
