My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
