After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
