i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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