I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
