Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
