the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
