Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
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