I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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