Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
