I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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