i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize