i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
