You're so nebulous sometimes
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
