you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm really busy with my period
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