he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
and she was petting her beer can
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
