I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
