Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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