He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She even gives head with a lisp.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
