Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
