I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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