Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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