k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
