At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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