Where are you?
In a non slutty way
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Randomize
