I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
