everyone is single if you try hard enough
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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