Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
How's work?
Spinning.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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