That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
